Before I knew

These are letters to Brady before I was pregnant... I hope when he reads these he knows how loved he is.  I can't believe this long road of wanting and waiting and praying is going to finally bring my son to me very shortly.

9.25.09

Dear Baby,                                                                                        

Last night I had an incredibly vivid dream where I took two home pregnancy tests and both were positive.  Your dad and I were so excited that we made immediate plans to go shopping for you, and to also concoct a brilliant, creative plan to tell all of the family you were coming.  For the first 15 seconds after I woke up I was ecstatic until I realized I had been dreaming.  Many pregnant women tell stories of dreaming of getting positive tests before they found out they were pregnant. 

I took a test but it was negative. 

I am bummed this morning and sad that now I must wait even longer to meet you.  Every day that I am not pregnant is one more day that I have to wait for you.  I tell you this so you know how much I long for you.  How much you are loved and wanted before you are even alive.  I want you to remember that for as long as you live when you are sad or lonely, know that I have loved you and missed you since before you were even living in my belly.

-Mama

10.20.09

Dear Baby,                                                                                         

Another month has passed and now is the time that we sit and anxiously wait to see if maybe this is the month.  Every fourth week of the month I am excited to find out if this time I am pregnant.  Inevitably I always get the feeling that I am, but am always wrong.  Friday night I had this gut feeling that you were in there, rapidly growing, but I can’t tell you yet if that is true or just my hopes. 

Lately the flu has been hitting people left and right and bringing grown men to there knees.  I have felt I am on the verge of illness for about a week now and am trying hard not to be ill.  I secretly always wonder to myself if I am sick or pregnant.  Sometimes the two are very similar. 

As always, take your time, little one.  As much as we are excited for you, we are on your clock, not ours.  I know you will come when you are ready, but can I make a request?  Could you maybe hurry?  Just a little.  We are getting anxious.

-Mama