Siblings

My raging baby fever has subsided over the past month with the arrival of our nephew. I have been consumed with him and getting to "play mommy" for a while and so the urge has dwindled a bit. Now, it is back and taking no prisoners.

I have this intensified urge to get pregnant because I a) am giving Matthew back and b) I want to have two children. I am still young, 24, but I feel like if I am going to have more than one child, that it is about time we start. I'm not one of those people that wants back to back children, and I would like for the first to be completely out of diapers and sleeping in a toddler bed before I move on to numero dos. If I were having only one, the time frame would not be so strict.

My husband and I have been fairly certain that one would be enough for us. That's all. We would take our baby and close up shop. But lately I have been feeling a small amount of sadness and emptiness in not providing my child with a sibling. Giving them something that I really didn't have: a brother to protect and joke with; a sister to console and pick flowers with.

I have three half brothers - twins on my fathers side that are 8 years older than me and one on my mothers side that is 10 years younger than me. The age differences are huge and even had they been smaller, the majority of my life we have not lived together to be able to build that close bond. My mom and dad tried for a second child after having me, but were infertile.

I wish so much for a sibling, specifically a sister. This isn't something that you can want or hope for and make attainable yourself. This is something that you parents and only your parents can give to you. Guy and I are the only way for them to have an opportunity to have this bond.

I watched Rachel Getting Married this weekend and I was so jealous of this made-for-tv sisterhood. They could say what they wanted to each other, curse, and just be who they were with no apologizing for it. Yet after the biggest fight they had, the older sister took the younger in her arms and let her cry. She helped her bathe, brushed her hair, and gave her a kiss.

I can't say for certain whether I will be able to give this gift to my child or not, or even if I am able to give them a sibling, if they will become close. But I would like to try. I want for them to have someone there on Christmas Eve to listen for reindeer together, help them blow out their candles on their birthday and cry because the other one has presents and they don't, and to sympathize and understand them when mommy and daddy just don't.

image via jwlphotography